Ah-Postrophes…..

As a public service, in keeping with our commitment to protect the urbane and literate members of western civilization, we offer the following menacing threat (sorry!) intimidating warning (no, no, no, that’s not right either…) GENTLE CORRECTION regarding apostrophe’ use; or more accurately, misuse.

Which of the following sample sentences are incorrect?

  1. I really want to go. How many car’s should we take?
  2. I love it when a garage sale has lot’s of good stuff.
  3. My favorite animal’s are wombat’s.
  4. All the teacher’s at s’chool s’hared lunche’s with their ‘s’tu’d’ent’s’.’

If you answered number three, you are right. Wombats aren’t anybody’s favorite animal!

No, really, all the above examples are a display of apostrophe’ misuse–especially the fourth, which appears to have been written by an inebriated buffalo.

Now pay attention:

DO NOT USE THE APOSTROPHE TO MAKE A WORD PLURAL! IF YOU ARE IN THE HABIT OF DOING IT, FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS DECENT, CEASE!

GET PROFESSIONAL HELP IF YOU MUST, BUT STOP NOW.

really, this is serious stuff………

One of the uses of the apostrophe is to indicate possession (no, not the demonic kind).

Like this:

Since we are going to the store, why not take Bob’s car? 
Uh, that is the dog’s bone you are chewing on.

See? The car belongs to Bob.
Why are you gnawing a bone on the floor? Anyway, it belongs to the dog.

So, let us review:
If there are several people named Bob: Look at all the Bobs.
If there is only one Bob, and he has a car: That is Bob’s car.
If a pack of canines runs through your yardUh oh. Those dogs look hungry.
If you are chewing a pre-gnawed bone: Hey stupid! Get your own. That is the dog’s!

Enough to learn for now. More apostrophe fun later.

But remember to start using them correctly:

 I’m not kidding.

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